If you’re like most busy women, you sometimes struggle to connect with your spouse and build a strong marriage in the midst of life’s chaos. Staying connected shouldn’t be something you have to “work at,” but more often than not that’s exactly what happens.
When your job is demanding, your children are needy, your parents are getting older, and/or your schedule is crazy, connecting with your spouse, keeping a positive focus, and building a strong marriage can feel like a lot of extra work.
Honestly, sometimes it just seems easier to let the marriage slide until tomorrow or next week or “when things slow down.” And most of the time, we don’t even realize what’s happening, that we’re essentially putting off enjoying and caring for our marriage until sometime in the future. (Includes affiliate links)
Simple Ways to Connect with Your Spouse
So I encourage you not to let that “slide” happen. Don’t risk looking back a month, a year or 5 years from now and thinking, “Why didn’t I invest more in my husband and my marriage?” Instead, decide to connect with your husband regularly and make your marriage a high priority, even if that means making other relationships or some activities a lower priority. Here are 15 simple ways to do it:
1. Establish your marriage as the primary relationship in your family.
Have you and your husband talked about and established priorities for your family? If you value your marriage and want to keep it strong – in spite of a hectic schedule – set a priority to establish your marriage as the center of your family life.
Trust me, you won’t be taking anything away from your children. Instead, you’ll be adding to their sense of security and helping them understand what it takes to create a lasting marriage.
2. Control your family’s schedule, rather than letting it control you.
In many families, the adults and children take on activities and commitments without much thought or discussion. And everyone ends up running from one activity to another and feeling exhausted most of the time – leaving little time or energy for the two of you to connect emotionally, physically, sexually or in any other way.
Don’t buy into that mindset. Your children don’t have to do every activity and you don’t have to say yes to every request for your time. This doesn’t mean your children shouldn’t be involved in activities, but it does mean you and your husband should decide which activities are reasonable in terms of your family’s goals, time and energy.
And if one of your goals is to connect with your spouse regularly, you may have to cut some activities or let go of some commitments.
3. Make time to talk every day.
When things get busy, it’s easy to go for days without talking about anything other than schedules, carpools, pick-up times and errands. So be intentional about taking at least 15-20 minutes every day to really talk with your husband about what’s going on in both of your lives.
Put it on your schedule, if that’s what it takes to make it happen. You can do it in the morning, right after work, before bed – whatever works for the two of you.
For example, my husband and I drink coffee in bed for about 20 minutes every morning and talk while we’re waking up. It gives us time to connect and sets us up to face the day.
4. Go to bed at the same time.
Whenever possible, but at least several times a week, go to bed at the same time. Put away your devices and be intentional about using the time to connect. Going to bed together allows you to talk and unwind and paves the way for sex and intimacy. Speaking of which…
5. Make love regularly.
Yes, it takes time, and it can seem another task on your to-do list. But sex and intimacy are important if you want to connect with your spouse, stay close as a couple, and build a strong marriage. And it doesn’t always have to take a lot of time – while a long romantic interlude is great, sometimes something quick and easy provides all the connection you need! And remember that this isn’t just about your husband – after all, sex is for you too – it’s about meeting both of your needs for sex, intimacy, and connection
6. Let go of small things that interfere with your connection.
Do you hang onto small annoyances, things your husband says or does that really bug you? I try not to, but sometimes it requires putting mind over emotions, making a conscious choice to let it go.
It’s hard to maintain a positive connection if you feel annoyed with him frequently, so consider making the choice to let some things go. I’m not talking about serious issues in your marriage (those need to be addressed), but rather the small things that just aren’t worth the anger or frustration you invest in them.
7. Work on projects together.
Rather than always focusing on your own projects, change things up sometimes and work on projects together. If he always does the yard work and outside projects, for example, work outside together one Saturday. Or if you do all of the interior painting, ask him to work with you one weekend to paint a room. Or work on a project you both enjoy (like gardening) or share the “pain” of a project you both hate (like cleaning out the garage).
8. Exercise together.
Walk, jog, or bike together. Train together for a charity walk or race. Take a hike. Dance. If you have small children, let them play outside while you walk where you can see them. My husband and I used to walk around the yard and talk while our boys played outside. Do anything you both enjoy that gets you moving together.
9. Spend some unplugged time together every day.
You can’t connect with your spouse, or anyone else in your life, in a meaningful way if you’re plugged in all the time. So put away your phone, tablet, and computer and spend some time together without the electronic distractions.
10. Kiss him like you mean it.
After a few years of marriage, the ‘hot and heavy’ kissing we once enjoyed often disappears. Add a couple of kids and a busy schedule to the mix, and kissing tends to be relegated to a pathetic peck on the lips a couple of times a day! One way to stay connected to your husband is to kiss him like you mean it – every day! Try it every day for a week and see what happens.
11. Touch base during the day.
If your schedules allow it, connect with your spouse by talking on the phone at least once a day, just to see how things are going for both of you. If talking isn’t feasible, send a brief email or text, just to let him know you’re thinking of him.
12. Crank up your sexual energy.
I’m not talking about having more sex, but rather about infusing your marriage with sexual energy – the communications and actions that say “I want you.” Sexual energy “boosters” come in many forms – sexy texts, sexy nicknames, code words, quick-but-steamy kisses or touches, and planning and anticipating sexual activities.
Or it can include using scents or oils that increase libido, giving and receiving a sensual massage, trying something outside your comfort zone, or anything else that keeps you connected sexually. (This is the sensual essential oil blend I love – (affiliate link) – Whisper sensual essential oil blend for women).
13. Speak your spouse’s love language.
You probably know about the 5 love languages, but are you speaking your husband’s language consistently? When your schedule gets crazy, maximize your connection by showing him love in the way he most easily receives it – it’s an easy but powerful way to connect in the midst of a very busy life. And let him know your love language and the things that most clearly speak love to you.
14. Step out in faith together.
It’s easy to get stuck in our daily routines and miss the needs all around us, needs God is often calling His people to meet. So consider how God might be calling the two of you to break out of your routine once in a while and do something for Him. Stepping out in faith to do God’s work is a great way to stay connected, while meeting real needs in our communities.
If you have young children it could be something simple, like serving together at a soup kitchen once a quarter. If you have no children or older children it might be something bigger, like working regularly in a homeless ministry, helping elderly people in your community, or taking a mission trip together.
(Get more resources to help you connect with your husband and enjoy your marriage in the CalmHealthySexy shop.)